I've Reached the River

And There's So Much Freedom and Peace in Going With The Flow

"Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it." - Norman Maclean

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I went for a walk in the forest a couple of days ago. It’s autumn in South West France and the leaves on the trees are beautiful colours.

This time of year has a special significance for me. It was just over two years ago that I left my husband and came back to live in France. It was the end of my marriage. I was 53 and we had been together since I was 19.

One day two years ago I was walking in the forest, barely able to see where I was going through my tears, and I stopped on the little bridge that crosses the river.

I watched the leaves falling and it seemed like such a perfect metaphor for my life at that time.

Those leaves were leaving the safety of the tree because it was no longer serving them to stay. It was time for them to fall. They were falling into the river and it was carrying them away to become something else entirely.

I saw that it was what I needed to do. I had to let go of the life I thought was a certainty. I had to let go of everything I’d trusted in for decades.

But how? How do you let go not knowing what comes next? How do you let go of something that defined who you were as a person?

You do it gradually. You trust in the process.

A few days ago when I was there again, I noticed that there were some leaves that didn’t fall all the way to the river or the ground. Some of them floated down and stayed on a branch or on top of another leaf. They’ll probably stay there until the next puff of wind knocks them further down, maybe all the way.

You see we don’t have to do it all at once. We can take small steps. The more small steps we take, the more our confidence grows.

So start small. Have daily goals, then when you can do that, make weekly goals. After a while you will be able to set monthly goals, and eventually yearly goals or even further ahead.

I stood there on Sunday wondering where I was in the letting go process. I know I’m not still stuck to the tree. For a long time, I was resting on some branches, closer and closer to the ground with each new thing I tried, each time I pushed myself a little bit more, outside my comfort zone, and succumbed to the puff of wind that helped me let go a little more.

I think I’ve reached the river now. I’m trusting in whatever comes next, that it will be what I want, what I need. I know I’m supported just as the river supports the fallen leaves. I know that I’m becoming something different, that’s part of the whole letting go process.

And just as the leaves disintegrate and willingly give themselves over to renewal, I’m doing that too. What I’m becoming, what is coming into my life, is better than I ever imagined through my tears two years ago.

I’m flowing with the river that is my life.

It doesn’t matter where you are on your letting go journey. Whether you’re still building up the courage to let go of the tree or whether you’ve reached the river, or anywhere in between.

The magic is that you know you will do it.

You know you can. Trust the process. One step at a time.

“Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it." - Norman Maclean

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I’m so very grateful that I didn’t give up, because what I’ve found on the other side is better than I could ever have imagined.

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