This is my book The Synergy Game. I am serialising it here a chapter a week. Each chapter will be available for everyone to read because, after all, that’s why I’ve written it, to help others, to share what has helped me to rebuild my life. I will be adding extra insights, sharing my poetry and adding audio to a section below for paying members.
Chapter 5 - The Healing Power of Music: Transforming Trauma and Embracing Self-Love Through Sound
“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that cannot remain silent”
Victor Hugo
I've always loved music. Growing up there was always music playing, either the radio or a record. It's always been a very big part of my life, but it's only recently I've viewed it as a healing tool.
When I first became interested in energy medicine and started studying it, I came across quite a lot of information about how different music frequencies or vibrations can affect us. Just imagine for a minute how you feel after listening to a beautiful piece of classical music as opposed to a piece of heavy rock music. It all to do with the frequency.
Now there is nothing wrong with listening to rock music. I happen to love dance music especially when I'm cleaning my house! But here I am going to separate the two types of music, one being music that makes me feel good and the other being music that is proven to be healing.
I listen to a lot of music and my tastes are extremely eclectic. I found I could use music to change my mood or to release emotion. On days that I was feeling down I would choose my music carefully.
I needed music that would either uplift me and remind me how beautiful life is, such as a beautiful classical piece, or something to get me energised, something with a good beat and empowering lyrics. If I found myself feeling a bit down while listening to a certain song or piece of music, I would make myself change it to something that would change my vibration, my feelings.
For a long time after I separated from my husband there seemed to be a lot of music that was hard to listen to. Music had featured in our home together a lot and we loved going to concerts of all different types together. So many songs either reminded me of him or the lyrics just reminded me of what had ended, what I'd lost.
Then one day I had a brainwave! I was listening to a dance track and the wording was 'I'm so glad you stayed, I'll be with you till the end". I was about to go down my usual thought process of "Poor me, that didn't happen!", next track, move on quickly, when I suddenly thought I could change the lyrics' meaning around and make it all about me. I'm glad I stayed with me! I'll be with myself till the end!
I started to apply it to other songs, and it totally worked for almost all of them. Instead of skipping the love songs when they came on, I just mentally made them fit myself.
It was so empowering. It made me realise that I could love myself. I could be there for myself, trust myself. For most of my life I had been relying on other people for that. Waiting for others to give me attention, tell me how beautiful I was, how clever I was. For my husband to tell me that I was a wonderful mother, a great wife, that he would never leave me or hurt me.
Well all of that became utter bullshit and now I had to do it for myself. And I realised that I could. I didn't actually need anyone else to validate and affirm me. That's what those songs taught me.
"I will always love you"
"All of me"
"Thinking about you"
"At last"
"I've got you under my skin"
I could go on, but you get the idea. Google 'love songs' and read or listen to the lyrics. You will see what I mean.
Music is meant to be emotive and there are times when it is good to have a cry. I've done it a lot! But it must be balanced with realising that you will be ok. You are enough just as you are, without someone else to tell you, they love you, you are beautiful, you are amazing, you are gorgeous, you are everything. Tell it to yourself!
At the end of the day, you are the only one you can rely on 100%. The only one you can trust 100%. And the only one you really will be with until the end. Fact. Guarantee.
This is not me being cynical or negative. I like the fact that I can rely on myself, that I know myself and I know my mind. That’s the way it should be. We shouldn’t put the responsibility on anyone else to have to do or be anything for us. It’s not anyone else’s responsibility to be a certain way to please us or to look after us.
Once I realised this, I understood that maybe I had put quite a lot of pressure on my husband over the years to be a certain way, relying heavily on him for praise and validation and to tell me that I was a good wife, a good mother and a good friend. Now I know all that without having to look for others to reassure me.
I started making playlists of music that would remind me to keep fighting. Remind me of how strong I could be. To remind me of what being a single woman could mean. Not sadness and being lonely. Not abandonment and disappointment. But power and freedom, choices and adventure, pride and fulfilment.
Now there's also another type of music that I started using a few years ago and that was music that is set to a specific frequency. Everything in the universe is based on vibration. That's why crystals and other energy healing tools work so well, because they help balance our own frequencies or vibrations, physically, mentally and emotionally.
Music is no different. I'm not going to explain the science of it all here because I’m not qualified to, but if you google music frequencies or Solfeggio frequencies you will find some fascinating information.
There are frequencies or vibrational sounds of music that resonate with our different chakras. For instance, the frequency that resonates with the heart chakra is said to be 639hz. Listening to this can help with healing old traumas and wounds and opening ourselves up for love.
I bought some ridiculously expensive wind chimes and hung them in the centre of my house, as instructed by the energy practitioner I bought them from, and the sound when I move them is wonderfully peaceful and relaxing. Sometimes I carry them around the house and ring them as I go, and it almost feels like a fresh breeze has blown through. The house feels lighter, calmer and more peaceful.
When my marriage was falling apart, and I felt like my world was too, I used these frequencies to help me sleep. By the time I went to bed, I was often so distraught over the helplessness of what I was feeling that sleep became impossible.
I would lie awake for hours replaying conversations or things that were happening, trying to make sense of why I couldn't fix things. The solfeggio frequencies and healing music I listened to weren't magic. I didn't immediately fall into a long and peaceful sleep, but like all the other tools I've spoken about in this book they just helped me to cope, they gave me an edge I needed.
At one time I was feeling so anxious that when I tried to relax at night it was impossible. My body would twitch and jerk as if I was trying to escape myself. (It's probably a good thing that by then we had separate bedrooms!) When I listened to these sounds, they seemed to calm me after a while so I could drift off to sleep for a bit. I also knew that if I played them in my space, my bedroom, my office wherever I could that it would help calm any fractured energy.
The reason this chapter is called music and sound is that something else I found was wonderful, almost like a reset button was sound healing. For a few months I attended a group meditation where we would all lie down on yoga mats and the person leading the meditation would use singing bowls and a huge gong.
I don't think I've ever experienced quite a transformation from how I felt going into the studio to leaving. It was like I'd walked in all muddy and dirty and walked out like I'd had a wonderfully refreshing shower all clean and energised again.
The guy who was doing it would walk around the room and gently hold the bowl over us, over our heads usually. At least I think so as I had my eyes closed at the time. All I know is that when he rang it close to me, I could feel the vibration in every part of my body. It felt like all my energy cells were being shaken up and put back in their correct places. I felt so wonderfully balanced and harmonised after.
I use a lot of these things even now in my everyday life. I have the wind chimes still hanging in the centre of my home. I have another set that hang in a back room that are tuned to the frequency of air because I'm a Gemini which is an air sign. They emit the most amazingly gentle and soothing sounds.
Unless I need to really concentrate on something I pretty much always have music playing. I've used music as a tool to change my state, change my vibration for so long, that I can tell instantly if the song or piece isn't suited to me at that moment, so I change it. If I'm not having a great day, if I'm feeling sad or anxious I'll be extra careful about the music I listen to and will deliberately choose something that is upbeat. Maybe some dance music or some beautiful classical like Mozart or Bach.
It's been said that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself and I agree with that. There's a later chapter all about the benefits of that. But I also think that music is a gift we can easily give ourselves. We don't need a fancy sound system, although that's nice, all we need is our mobile phone and a little Bluetooth speaker or headphones.
It's looking for opportunities too. Taking the time to start something playing before we start driving, popping on some inspiring music in the morning or some soothing music at night, doing that instead of watching TV. I like to listen to music as I cook, drive, when I'm travelling, definitely when I'm cleaning, it makes it all go faster, oh and also when I'm mowing the lawn.
Like anything else, it's a habit, a great one and so easy to incorporate into everyday life.
There is something that happens sometimes when you are listening to music and that too can be a healing tool. It does require a certain amount of not caring what you look like though! Sometimes you can’t seem to have one without the other, and that’s the subject of my next chapter.
Previous Chapter - Yoga - My Path to Strength: Finding My Power, Peace, and Purpose on the Mat
Next Chapter - Rhythms of Release: Dancing My Way to Freedom
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This next section is for paying members only. In it, I’m sharing some poetry I wrote in the weeks and months following our separation and some further personal insights, feelings, and musings. There is also an audio reading of the chapter.
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