The Synergy Game - A Journey From Death to Life
Chapter 13 - Nature's Embrace: Healing and Transformation Through the Seasons of Life
This is my book The Synergy Game.
I am serialising it here a chapter a week. Each chapter will be available for everyone to read because, after all, that’s why I’ve written it, to help others, to share what has helped me to rebuild my life.
Chapter 13 - Nature's Embrace: Healing and Transformation Through the Seasons of Life
“To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter… to be thrilled by the stars at night; to be elated over a bird’s nest or a wildflower in spring - these are some of the rewards of the simple life.”
John Burroughs
I live in a small village that borders a beautiful forest. I can walk out of my front door, and in less than two minutes, I am walking in nature. I've always loved this, but I took a while to realise how essential this was to my healing and my mental health.
Nature gives, but it never takes, and it has so many lessons to teach us.
The truth of this hit me one day as I was standing by the river and watching the leaves falling in autumn and being consumed and swept away.
It has lessons on letting go and lessons on reliability, on community and on being authentic. Whatever lessons you can think of, whatever teachings there are, they are in nature.
As I walk into the forest, I am entering another world. There's a narrow path with a small canopy of trees that meet to form a beautiful green tunnel. Every time I go in, I feel like I am being welcomed with open arms. Like the forest is saying come on in, we've got you, you're not alone.
Even though most of the time when I'm walking in the forest I am actually alone, I never feel as if I am. I feel safe and protected and no matter how awful I feel when I start my walk, I always feel so much better after.
It feels like an energetic Xanax. I have walked in, barely able to breathe, with sadness that feels so heavy I can hardly move one foot in front of the other, and I stand by the river or sit by my favourite tree, and I feel a calm and peace wash over me. An energy is shared with me so I always walk out feeling like I can carry on for longer.
I've told that tree things I've told no one else. I've begged for help and strength in a way that I never would with a human. Every time I feel it. I feel an energy and a sense that I don't have to do this alone. They are always there for me. I can always count on them. They always want me and welcome me. They never judge me or tell me what to do. They are just there to support.
All I need to do to feel this is stop and be still. To stop thinking I am silly to imagine all this and just to believe. Because what fun is life if we don't use our imagination and allow ourselves to believe in the impossible and the illogical?
I've also been a big fan for years of earthing or grounding. In the summer, or not just summer, whenever it's warm enough, I go barefoot. Sometimes, on my bad days, even when it was frosty on the grass, I'd take my shoes off and stand there for a few minutes.
The calm it gave me, the balancing I could feel in my body was well worth the chilly toes. If I'm feeling stressed, walking in the garden barefoot or just standing for a while just takes it all out of me, as if it's draining down into the earth.
I'm one of those old-fashioned people who like to hang my washing on the line and only use the tumble dryer whenever necessary. My washing line is at the bottom of my garden, so it's another good opportunity to go barefoot, much to my old Portuguese neighbour’s horror, who is constantly lecturing me on the awful things that could happen. Just a note, nothing ever has.
Like anything else it's a habit, so whenever I can, I take my shoes off, in the garden, at the beach. Anywhere I can ground myself and be connected to the earth, I will.
Another way I have used nature in my healing is to have lots of plants around me in my home, especially where I work, in my office and on my desk. Apart from the fact that they look nice, taking care of them makes me stop and appreciate how wonderful they are. I see their growth and how they change and sometimes die, and I'm reminded of the lessons once again.
I also took Miley's advice and I regularly buy myself flowers. Making my space beautiful and welcoming to be in, makes a difference to how I feel. There's a reason we buy flowers or a plant for someone who is sick or needs cheering up. It's about the beauty of nature, the energy and the reminders that we are all connected and we are never alone.
Watching the leaves fall off the trees is a powerful metaphor for letting go and healing. The leaves have to say goodbye to the safety of the tree and fall to the ground, knowing that they will become something else.
The tree then stands there throughout the winter, not looking so pretty and often looking like it's dead. But it's what is going on inside that matters. Inside, it's resting, taking time to just be, and patiently waiting until spring, when it needs all its energy to blossom and grow new leaves.
It reminds me that sometimes we need to do that, too. It's ok just to be, to rest, and to look like we are not doing anything or accomplishing anything. Sometimes I feel as if I have to show everyone that I'm busy and surviving and succeeding at rebuilding my life. But I don't.
We don't always need to be doing, striving, building. Sometimes, we need to disintegrate like the caterpillar does before it becomes a butterfly. If the caterpillar didn't become a chrysalis and allow complete disintegration, it would never emerge on the other side, transformed into a beautiful butterfly.
When we allow ourselves that time to let go of the old part of ourselves and our former life, we allow transformation and with that transformation comes different thinking, new perspectives, and a whole new world. Anything that devastates us changes us.
We can use that experience to our benefit for personal growth, and it's only by stopping and just giving ourselves time to be that we can see the possibilities. If we just keep on the treadmill of trying to survive, that's all we will ever do. We will never stop surviving, and we will forget how to live.
The point of rebuilding my life was to get to a point of living again. My end goal was not surviving.
And sometimes nature reminds us that things die, and that's ok. We can't hold onto things forever. This summer my beautiful palm tree at the front of my house died. Apparently, it was a moth that laid eggs in the trunk, and it had affected a lot of other palms in my area. I tried everything to fix it, but eventually, I had to cut it down and have it taken away. That tree had been there since we bought the house, so it was hard to see it go.
I tried everything to fix my marriage, but that too was dead, and I had to accept that. Like the palm, I remembered how beautiful it was at one time, the joy it gave me and how happy I was.
Life is full of changes and we cannot control other people and make them the way we want them to be. What we can do, though, is allow the changes and work to a place where we are accepting of them.
Now, I choose to remember the good times, not the bad. I've spent a lot of time thinking about the bad times, and that was necessary. I had to process it all and get to a place where I was ready to remember the good times. It doesn't just happen.
Now, I don't remember my palm tree as it was before it was cut down. Ugly dead palm fronds and a bare trunk. I remember it when it shaded my kitchen window and was beautifully green and how happy it made me when I would come home and pull up outside in my car and I'd see it. That's how I remember it, and that's how I choose to remember my marriage.
The years when we were a fabulous team, taking on the world, all the travelling we did together and how he would bring me a cup of tea every morning without fail exactly the way I liked it, how he never let me worry about anything to do with the car or the house, he took care of it all, and how proud he always was of me when I achieved anything. How often he told me he loved me and that I was beautiful. How angry he would get if anyone ever upset me. Most of all how he was my best friend for most of my life.
So yes, it's gone, but I had it. I have known what it is to love with all my heart and to be loved in return. I know what true love is. Nothing can take that away from me.
My palm tree is gone but I enjoyed it for many years. Sometimes, all we have left are memories, and I'm choosing to be selective about mine. I'm remembering the good ones now.
Previous Chapter - Pathways to Peace: Embracing Forgiveness for Personal Freedom
Next Chapter - Beyond Belief: Finding Connection in the Universe and Ourselves
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